YOU HAVE NEVER LIVED BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER DIED (star cloister home of wisdom)
I saw 13 black crows as black as 3AM
and as big as vultures eyes
with wings hanging to their sides like laundry on the line
they were standing in a circle letting their tongues dry
they’re coming for me like thieves or ghosts
stealing songs, and whispering poems to themselves
about nonsense and existence
I don’t want to die
I saw 4 black eagles, with horns growing towards the ground
like columns or anchors reaching for the bottom
their feathers folded like hands on a man resting in his coffin
bending over each other rattling my bones
drumming out the answers in ways I will need one day
their hooves are giving me growing pains
I sleep like a tornado
I saw 18 black hawks, with beaks full of teeth
roaring like a pack of wolves in perfect V
with hoods over their eyes to cover up what they’ve seen
secrets bouncing off the insides of their lips meant for me
they landed on my life like spears, ears tucked back like arrow feathers
wings spread wide like storm clouds over kansas
hailing on me teaching me their dances, they gave me armor
we will never die, we will never die, I don’t want to die, we will never die
we will never die, but we don’t want to try, I don’t want to die, I won’t let you die
we will never die, we won’t even try, but if we never die, then we never really live
I saw 9 black owls, they were quiet as death
they had talons like antlers growing from their hearts
and they were tearing me apart
each bird was tagged like cattle with one word
and they burned them in to my mind...they read
you have never lived because you have never died
I DON’T WANT TO LIVE FOREVER (the city of old emperors)
You've got beet blood in your mouth and lies in your artichoked heart
you’re black eyes stalking through me
with a birdcage for ribs, that vultures trying to get out
it’s scratching your kidney wings
we’re no longer feeding ourselves, the raccoons are eating our dreams
pushing past our feeblery to keep them out, this morning I heard one sing:
there's a whole big world out there my son, be careful don't believe them.
there's a crazy old lady in the sun, she's angry can't you feel it?
if you don’t work hard you’re no son of mine, well I’ve earned these riverbeds
& I’ll drown you out until you’ve made me proud if you won’t learn you’re better off dead.
so, I’m digging in this farm yard trying to find the seeds
forgetting all I have left in this world of course that includes me
so I’m building and I’m learning and leaving nothing unsaid
all I am is all I have, I’ll take this garden for my bed
and these are not just words built like a city of dreams, we have no use for this kingdom
I’m proud of you my friends, may your lives be a symphony of freedom
I don't want to live forever. I just want to live for now
but the angel on my doorstep keeps pointing me towards that plow
so I’m digging in with both my hands, keeping one eye on the door
If I go looking I’ll probably find it, ...and get all I’ve been asking for
I don't want to live forever. I just want to live for me
but your faces just keep haunting ...sometimes it’s all I see
so I’m working hard at learning all I can I’m gonna give it all to you
I’ll keep making payments, until we’re all so straight and true
I want to paint seeds together, and follow you right up to the edge
filled up and spilling like carried cups, and watch the sun go red
but there’s poison right here in our water, and a shark somewhere in the well
I wanna show you my life, show me your life and tell me it’s not the devil
I guess I I feel the way I feel, you make me feel like I‘m alive...
and I’m alive, am I alive, i am alive so you can live...
please come and live, why don’t you live, you can live inside of me...
there’s a home for you inside me, inside of me there is a fire
inside my fire, there is more fire, and in that fire there is truth
but we take our furnace-chests, and run em neck deep into that lake
and let the coals stare us down, one last glare of doubt & hate
but we were wrong, no I was wrong, we’ll just be wrong about some things
and it will never be, it can never be, it should never be this easy
to wash away the fire that burns, we wash away our flame
my eyes saw fire, my heart said escape
i said my eyes saw fire, my heart did escape
it’s the beauty in the struggle has me going keeps me shook
sometimes I can see it in your face God but not in the pages of a book
and there's something in your eye that's asking
I got no answers, just clues for a path to truth
I thought it was you. but yeah, I thought it was me too.
I don't want to live forever. I just want to live for us
but the head on my shoulders keeps driving me to be careless
our brains don’t want to listen, ears squinting for some honesty
it’s gets slippery here, hold on....we are not ourselves probably
I don't want to live forever. I just want to live for you
but the devil round my doorway keeps singing me something new
so I’m listening with idle hands cupped tight around both ears
my minds open like a burned down house, I haven’t died at all this year
WOODEN HEART (sea of mist called skaidan)
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
MOST ROADS LEAD TO HOME (the dream miner)
I can’t remember.......making all these visions in my head
but they’re moving in this room........fighting together above my bed
shadows swirling hand in hand........making new faces in the wind
keep trying to help me forget my name, and I keep trying to leave them
our ghosts fill up these hollow walls, empty hands filled with silence
we are still alive from what I’ve seen, heads hanging in the balance
I’ll keep on in this sleep......I’m never gonna find that perfect cure
I’ll hold on to my name, because it’s the only thing I still know for sure
look at the sound of all these people on fire.
I want to be on fire, do you want to be on fire?
but we don’t love ourselves enough, we pack our hearts with medicine
choke our lungs with broke down tries of lesser men
I’d rather give you my name instead of just forget it
because I carry it, but I don’t want to carry it
and so I’ll follow you vision
and listen with my eyes every maze and twist and bend
try to go where you point, step where you recommend
oh lead what I should see great specter
you say: give up, give up, don’t give up
then I won’t give up, because I know I’m not alone
I know that all roads lead to home in some way
and I’m on my way, are you on your way?
show me your life, living, speaking in the night above us
we all survived, in this one place forever with our eyes closed
you are alive, you said it would never be this way, you promised
I am alive, and I said I would never go away, to believe me
but I’m awake now, and I still see you...do you see me.
I am alive............though I might be dead or sleeping
I have survived.........trying to find my way out of leaving
and I’m having trouble leaving........I keep breaking all these oars
I can’t mold what’s not mine.......that ship won’t sail anymore
the journey is the thing................and I’m barely following
like this mirage from inside the back of my head, from just outside my reach
you are survived, you are not alone, don’t give up
‘cause one day I’m gonna write my dad into my dreams
and tell him how his friends still remember him here
show him I became a man, because they all cared in his absence
and I know you held us, your wife held on tight enough for both of you
she still holds your hand every day........
and try to live out your last words............
you are survived, even though we’re still here sorting it all out
we all survived, and are amongst the living and the dead
this name is no longer mine, I can see who I am without it
but I can’t just go around dreaming about luck like that
but we all still bleed, we still need help to breathe
and that’s all mine to carry, help me remember when I wake up
I know that all roads lead to home in some way
and I’m on my way, are you on your way?
show me your life, walking, drifting in the air around us
we all survived, forever and always as we sleep
you are alive, you said it would never be this way, you promised
I am alive, and I said I would never go away, to believe me
but I’m awake now and I still see you...do you see me
FALLING IN LOVE WITH GLACIERS (morla tortoise shell mountain)
I met a shell of a mountain who knew she was finished
claimed she grew up from a grain of sand
with every year wider she bloomed a little bit longer
to the roof of the sky with outstretched hands
she made friends with the sun, shared enemies with no one
counted weeks like she should of counted days
and swallowed handfuls of night so she could sleep tight
and turn her thoughts from its stone cold ways
and this was the beginning, the start of the ending
you can't die from a broken heart
but from the time the sun rose
to the space where it fell away
she would love, and it wouldn't take part
and every every day she would echo echo
in every single way she should let go let go
but it had her in its sights cupids icy arrows
so she caught every one with her heart like it was her duty
it walked the wrong wrong way down her one way plan
she was surrounded by forests, rivers and beauty
until that glacier froze over the land
and so she blamed herself hated her wealth
she was born at too young of an age
and every night her dreams were touched by witches fingers
until her heart was caged.
with every morning spent not caring if she cares or not
sleeping in the melt and mud, waiting for the earth to rot
burying herself alive she scrapes the hole that it left open
empty as her very heart, that mountain was all broken
all broken, that mountain was all broken
now I can see that her bloods red and she’s got feelings and they always get spilled both without thinking
FAILING IS NOT JUST FOR FAILURES (atreyu & artax)
I lost my best friend to sadness
speaking these words at arms length
he said: to shake things up as hard as you can
and if you figure it out by god tell everyone
he said: failing is not just for failures
it's for everyone, failures just have more experience
but you can't quit now, you have to climb all night
climb everyone of their towers, and show them your life
but if I'm a quitter now, I promise I'll quit her in the end
I don’t need these weapons, I’ll set my heart to win
with the weight of the world trying to stop me
breathe out, then inhale my little heartbeat
and I'll do this for you, because the world might need it
if I don't I'll lose hope, and we'll end up losing it (oh well)
I lost my best friend to sadness
Even though we tried and tried, I guess we really didn't
I haven’t seen my chin since last may
I’m gonna hold my breath. Let's all hold our breath together
and turn this graveyard into a garden and grow from here
we give words to colors and swear we're not blind
we must be the last of our kind, claiming all the world as if we'll never die
we are the ones living right now clamoring around on top of everyone
but it has to hurt of it's to heal, well my god it must be healing
it's like a knife in the heart, and I'm starting to lose feeling
it's gonna hurt before it heals, but the pain is getting bigger
this dams about to go, and I'm running out of fingers
it'll hurt but it will heal, I'm starting to believe it
eyes wide open in the darkness, but I really can't see it
it’s burning right now and I want you to feel it somehow,
but without the pain of knowing it
when all is lost I won’t think of you
there's nothing in this world that ghost can do
no matter what's ahead I'll push on through
for your life or through your death, I’ll keep on
Until I've reached the sea where I can go no further
when all these possibilities keep forcing me towards their goals
confronted with their true self most men run away screaming
with nothing as their enemy it's hollow and it's whole.
stuffing sorrow in their souls
until all hope is lost in the infinite
I won't ever say goodbye because there's no good in it
I'll stay the course, you've sailed away
while my path leads to God only knows
I'll finish this race, you've quit so early
I'd invite you to swim but drifting is not swimming
and this is it, you've given me no choice
but to use mere words to stay alive. while you've paid them no mind.
and I'll tell stories about your life, you are no hero but I'll lie...
because, when all is lost I won’t think of you
there's nothing in this world that ghost can do
no matter what's ahead I'll push on through
for your life or through your death, I’ll keep on
SEATBELT HANDS (dame eyola)
She's the kind of lady that calls everybody baby
honey, sugar, sweetie, she's always making friends
and she keeps us all locked outside her thick leather skin
she always starts with a smile, it's small and butter yellow
but easier than a handshake, doesn't like her hands touched
she tans alot, gets burnt alot smoking through the cartons
but then gets put out so much, she's considered a bargain
she was born on the fourth of july with her hand on her heart
loves america, & being patronized, no one ever told her to guard her heart
she was an angel for halloween once, but never again
and for christmas ever year she's haunted by demons
they always tell her they love her.
she used to believe in innocence until she lost it
and spent a long summer, riding the trains
she has cats and collectors plates to keep her sane
watching TV in her favorite chair...both of which are rented
she's alone, and surrounds herself with loners
her life is a loan, lent out to anyone who will own her
waiting for the night to sweep her off her feet, while she mops the bathroom floor
hoping for a winning ticket or a man to treat her right
but they're both a gamble and she's been a loser all her life
and if she had a nickel for every time she's been punched and kicked
she'd put it together with her camel cash, try to buy some happiness
they always tell her they love her, but then they take something from her.
she would always show us her dreams
they were crumpled up like leaves from holding on too tight
scattered in her shoebox coffin on the cardboard walls covered in butterflies
she's got love in her heart for her babies, and hope in her mind for tomorrow
and blood on her hands that only she sees, holding the last bit of time that's borrowed
but you never know where that heart has been, and we'll never know how hard it's been
I wanna cut open my chest and let her in, but that won’t fix what needs to mend
and she stands there unlit cigarette in hand
filling up that empty hole with anything that’ll pour
insides hanging out like a flare, warning.
there’s beauty in that pain, can you see it?
she’s crashing through life with seat belt hands
one accident away from a miracle
and there’s an honesty there, but I can’t take it all in
she hides the worst of it in the wrinkles
that’s the ache you get when there’s no where else to go.
and she’s got no where else to go, she doesn’t want to go there.
so I promise I’ll go with her.
YOU WERE A HOUSE ON FIRE (xayide and the seeing hand)
and you were a house on fire, and I couldn't understand why
burn me all down to the ground, you said, the fire is on the inside
flames dancing like ghosts, behind the windows
pain jumping from the walls
you want to keep this private, I can see that
but you can't ask that of me, we've only just met
I said we need hope now more than ever before, do you believe it?
the answer was silence.....I took it as a no
we all want to be normal anyways
we all want to be somewhere else than where we live
but that's not reality, it's just point of view
let's not talk about the weather
and whether or not there's really rain the clouds
unless you want to know if I feel the same as you
it's more measuring up than just wasting time
but time is not on our side, you're burning
rain would only be a temporary fix
and there's just no place right now for cute ironies
We all write songs about life, we just sing them different.
you sing the words but you don't know the song.
and you expect us all to sing along? how selfish
the lengths that we go to, to put so much distance between us is staggering
you’re burning alive with stress and life
both hands in flames trying to hold the fire inside
drop and roll ...repeat line for emphasis.
I’ll repeat it and repeat it until you believe it
you're gonna be ok! say it to me...
the answer is still silence ... I’ll take it as a maybe
I can't decide if I should knock down your door or on it
say the word and I’ll take an axe to your heart or a pin prick
cut right through the dark, let it spill out the contents
on our knees sorting through the remnants
pour out your hate in my hands, I’ll let em slip through my fingers
and this is for you, and this is for the times that we only listen long enough to know the other person we’re talking to has the same opinions we do.
for when we’re burning inside, for when we’re trying to hide that fact
this is for the scalps that we went after, to be only the best dressed
to scrape another notch on our belts, add another feather to our headress
I want to be the bigger man for you, but I can’t take this truth
I'm trying to kick the habit here, but these track marks are 100 proof
burn me all down to the ground, you said
I’ll kick through your ashes, hope they sober up my head
THESE HANDS WEREN’T MADE FOR US (the rock biter)
These hands were strong once, they held my head and what’s inside
I tried to train them to stop the shaking, but they wouldn't listen to these lies
there's something out there I promise, it's coming for all of us
and it is evil, and I have seen it, it takes life and devours trust
it's bad when I close them worse with my eyes open. I see it if I sleep
so I keep my mind blank, and think of bravery, change and hope but I'm so weak
please take me in like I'm family, I've been out for far too long
my stone hearts aching, but I am changing. stay by me, leave me alone
I thought these hands were strong with how they used to hold the world
then It slipped away, I couldn't keep it, and now nothing isn't blurred
but ever since the first time that I flew above the stars
like a dragon into heaven trying to tiptoe past the guards
with bricks and bones, blood and stones and skin holding it all loose
I take one last breath and don’t think of death, that halo made a noose
and let's not speak of murder even if the motive is clear
because death is sleep anyways, and I'm fine right here
I couldn’t see what I was looking for, didn’t want to hear it
trying to control everything I see, when all I could do is swim in it.
or drown or tread in these careless waters just to get by
and just getting by? choking down every single ridiculous lie
like an axe in the back, like a coward or a hack.
now regret hates me, it’s fear that saved me putting mountains in my path
These arms were strong once, they moved the ground to keep us safe
but they are crumbling, my fingers numbing. I'm not reaching out I'm pushing you away
please trust it's for your well being, I don't want you here when I come down
so no words are spoken, with my eyes wide open, I’m all ready to be found
and I’m not full, but I’m not done either - just trying to hear what I need to see
and If I see it I promise I’ll let you hear it - and if you’ll listen, then I’m all ears
these hands weren’t made for us - but they grab at every will we conjure up
my hands weren’t built for me - but they still burn the ground enough
acting like they want to be found, just to go and hide again
these hands are all to blame, tearing where it needs to mend
each finger bent in shame, knuckles every shade of white
our hands are all the same, over our face cover our eyes
my passports all worn out, if you need these hands they’re all for you
I don’t know what I want, but I know what I don’t want to do
BUILDING BETTER BRIDGES (the silver city)
Our heart burns broken at the ends, they fail us, keep building
my lungs are wax inside my ribs, you’re burning, well I’m breathing
this back breaks walked on from carrying friends, can’t stop now, still working
your life’s like rain drops on my tongue, I believe you, keep raining
and it’s alright, it’s alright, we are not right now complete
and I’m alright, you’re gonna be alright, we might never be complete
but the water keeps rising, it’s rising, everybody get into the water
and hold each others hands and lives, let’s all push our hearts together....
we’re gonna leave these shores right now, be everything we’ve never been
but you gotta swear to promise that we’ll never go back again, ever again
and we’re not just islands lying beside each others shorelines
we’re all bound with veins and hopes, we are not each others ghosts
our hearts are abridged, let's build bridges to each other
so this river won’t take us under
filled with monsters and goblins, they keep dragging the bottom
our life is a bridge, let’s build bridges to each other
and pray we don’t go under, oh these careless waters
I’m trying not to confuse: being used, with giving all I am
by: being used, and giving everything I have, all I am
so I’ll build a bridge with hollow bones filled with hollow teeth
inside a hollow heart, with the insides carved
and let the blood in these veins freeze
let the water in these veins freeze and break and flood the dam
we are all we have, this is all we need, hold on it may never end
and I might have to drink my teeth again if I wash up on the coast
so I’ll build a bridge with all that’s left, & not make any more new ghosts
show me your life, wide and bright, I hope that patience fills the seams
keep what’s inside, dry and right, you arch the frame I’ll span the beams
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
cause one day we’re gonna close our eyes for death or rest
and abandon ourself, this weak mind and breath
and the columns we made, and roots we grew down deep
will be pulled and gathered in to firewood, and burnt for heat
but when the tension shifts, and these braces turn
I’ll try and build a better bridge
and when all our piers burn, and the hinges miss
I’m gonna build a better bridge
our hearts are abridged, let’s build bridges to each other
so we don’t take ourselves under
Our heart burns broken at the ends, they fail us, keep building
my lungs are wax inside my ribs, you’re burning, I’m still breathing
this back breaks walked on carry friends, can’t stop now, still working
your life’s like rain drops on my tongue, I believe you, keep raining
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
our hearts are abridged, let’s build bridges to each other
so this river won’t take us under, so we don’t take ourselves under
our lives are a bridge, let’s build bridges to each other
and pray we don’t go under, oh these careless waters
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
our hearts are abridged, let’s build bridges to each other
so this river won’t take us under, so we don’t take ourselves under
SAVE UP YOUR HOPES FRIENDS (the nothing)
people who have no hopes are easy to control
with nothing and uncertainty
rumors of wars with monsoons and tornadoes
will keep fear over their eyes and locks on their feet
if there were something then at least that would be something
but there's not and it buries cracks of drought
tearing apart empires and homes and the dreams of men
sealing the entrance and every way out
there is hope but no heart can touch it
unless it's traded wants, for others needs
it is emptiness that is left and destroying the world
priceless possessions held so tight that it bleeds
the end is near, they won't believe it
until a waking nightmare they can see it
and they'll know it has begun
when zero blocks out the sun
blinded by the fact that they can see nothing
one by one they scream silently as they run
it'll start like hot rain searing through the leaves
and boil the sea turning every grass yellow
it comes with no warning and wants no reprieve
as it begins with dark clouds and silence
the oceans will be covered in water
and the mountains turned in to sand
the trees will be scattered like stars in the night
and beneath it all will be buried the land
the air will turn sour and make mothers hate their daughters
and fathers will take the blade to their sons
earthquakes will level houses
hurricanes will take the cattle
birds of prey will lay claim to the rest
the crops will be devoured by locusts and lightning
and when nothing is left, the thunder will rest
the mountains in the sea will crack at their bases
and send the earth far away from its sun
they'll fall off the planet and leave the world weightless
and everything will freeze together as one
and for years that measure one million times seven
times eleven million by seventy seven
it'll rocket into nothing, rock ice spinning into nothing
until fire smashes it into glass
and sends a rain of boiling vapor
like arrows ripping into paper
on to our heads, lava and poison ash
and it begins. save up your hopes friends
and send them to the corners of your end
there is something coming, and everything matters
guard your heart, and watch the wind
